Nobody Learns

Down with the internet.
Phil has wasted a dog's lifetime on useless effort like everyone does, while the authors capitalize on useless material as always.

Marmaduke for Dum-Dums

If you live in the north and you drive in that snow and shit then you deserve to die by your own stupidity.

Typical fat-ass antidepressant-abusing housewife is pissy that she can't find a consumer product with a dumb feature that doesn't exist. Marmaduke gets the munchies after ingesting marijuana-laced dog food. The underpaid employees of "APPLIANCE" have to dress like douches in order to sell fridges.

Marmaduke Concentrates Harder

What the fuck today? Fucking look at it. Christ.

Yes, why don't you go do that?

Marmaduke is tripping on acid after watching Troll 2, or else one of those Ghandi-type monks have broken into his home.

Marmaduke Kills Two Children

Jesus fucking Christ, reading and writing are utter crap.

Marmaduke is stalking two children and going to eat them alive.

Marmaduke Humps a Bed

Great danes are large creatures, which is why Ophelia was crazy for Spamlet. Oh, and if you think 15 page papers are a good assignment for students, you deserve to be drug out into the street and shot. And if you think a power-point presentation on that paper would be a good add-on, you deserve to watch your family drug out into the street and shot first.

Dogs are selfish, idiotic creatures with no regard for our own concerns such as our health. They in turn can be threatened with medical care. Also hot tea is good for gonorrhea.

Marmaduke's Penis

I tried searching on Google for "Today's Marmaduke" and instead all I got was some loser fag's blog on "Marmaduke Explained". Unfortunately the lazy dickweed named Joe Mathlete (an name for a pathetic nerd) apparently got shot and/or eaten by chavs and just fucking dropped the whole damn ball on Setp. 11 (2008, so that explanation doesn't work). Because he was a lazy bastard (probably an illegal alien), he just up and stopped fucking updating a blog that took about as much work as writing one goddamn sentence. But worst of all, the first three damn pages of Google results point to his dead blog. Google claims to only use relevant search results, but this is a fucking lie, which is what you should come to expect from a fake online internet company that stalks people.

Personally, the name of Marmaduke's breed escapes me for the moment because I just do not give a fuck, so onto the crap:

Two gimps are measuring Marmaduke's penis.